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We were grabbing a bite of lunch at a small cafe, in a mall, right across from a booth that sold jewelry and where ears could be pierced for a fee. A mother approaches with a little girl of six or seven years old. The little girl is clearly stating that she doesn’t want her ears pierced, that’s she’s afraid of how much it will hurt, that she doesn’t like earrings much in the first place. Her protests, her clear ‘no’ is simply not heard. The mother and two other women, who work the booth, begin chatting and trying to engage the little girl in picking out a pair of earrings. She has to wear a particular kind when the piercing is first done but she could pick out a fun pair for later.

"I don’t want my ears pierced."

"I don’t want any earrings."

The three adults glance at each other conspiratorially and now the pressure really begins. She will look so nice, all the other girls she knows wear earrings, the pain isn’t bad.

She, the child, sees what’s coming and starts crying. As the adults up the volume so does she, she’s crying and emitting a low wail at the same time. “I DON’T WANT MY EARS PIERCED.”

Her mother leans down and speaks to her, quietly but strongly, the only words we could hear were ‘… embarrassing me.’

We heard, then, two small screams, when the ears were pierced.

Little children learn early and often that ‘no doesn’t mean no.’

Little children learn early that no one will stand with them, even the two old men looking horrified at the events from the cafeteria.

Little girls learn early and often that their will is not their own.

No means no, yeah, right.

Most often, for kids and others without power, ”no means force.”

-

from "No Means Force" at Dave Hingsburger’s blog.

This is important. It doesn’t just apply to little girls and other children, though it often begins there.

For the marginalized, our “no’s” are discounted as frivolous protests, rebelliousness, or anger issues, or we don’t know what we’re talking about, or we don’t understand what’s happening.

When “no means force” we become afraid to say no.

(via k-pagination)

(via lovecatcadillac)

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completewealth:

File under: Color pop, Chinos, Vest, Ginghams, Ties, Polka dots, Patterns

completewealth:

File under: Color pop, Chinos, Vest, Ginghams, Ties, Polka dots, Patterns

(via mensfashionworld)

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vintageanchorbooks:

Ninety years ago today, James Baldwin was born in New York. 
"You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read." 

vintageanchorbooks:

Ninety years ago today, James Baldwin was born in New York. 

"You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read." 

(via adayinthelifeoftrivialthings)

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fuckyeahillustrativeart:

Kelsey Becketthttp://kelseybeckett.tumblr.com/

fuckyeahillustrativeart:

Kelsey Beckett
http://kelseybeckett.tumblr.com/

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grumpyspacetoad:

fun fact about being gay: you do all that high school emotional shit in your twenties because you didn’t get to do it in your teens

(Source: darnhomosexuals, via fuckyeahqueerpeopleofcolor)

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Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth. -

- BenJamin Disraeli (via kushandwizdom)

Good Vibes HERE

(via words-of-emotion)

(via searchingforsafespaces)

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